In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
