There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
