My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
