Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
