I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
