if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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