24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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