Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
