You can't motorboat a personality
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
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