You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
