On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
