I think I won the penis lottery.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
