Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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