If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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