Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Alive.
So much puke
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
