I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
My vagina just recognized that song.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
