She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
