On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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