Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
