He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
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I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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