The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
