what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
My dick has a subreddit
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
