I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
