You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
