My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
