Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
