After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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