I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
