"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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