She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
