You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
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I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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