Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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