weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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