im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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