Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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