They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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