the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
