omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
