Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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