where am i from again
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
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Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize