I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
