Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
