Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
