I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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