he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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