i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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