so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
