i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
