you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
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