I met the friendliest cop last night
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
