I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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