It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He passed out mid-signature
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Randomize
