before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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