Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
