Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
