I just threw up on my dentist
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
