I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
never play flip cup with pint glasses
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
