i think my mom watched the whole time
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
