I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
