that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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