in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
